When I walked into my neighborhood cafe, “Mamma Says” by the Shirelle’s was playing- so appropriate for what I needed to hear right then.
Going through a divorce is a process, much like labor. And, like labor, the postpartum (or, postnuptial?) period has its rough patches.
Our divorce labor was hardest in the transition phase, right before my husband moved out. Sweat, tears, and high emotions heralded the soon arrival of our new lives.
As soon as his last box was on the moving truck, everyone felt a great sense of relief, much like a nauseous person feels when they finally vomit. In a sense, I vomited out a lot of the negativity and stress that I had been desperate to hold onto for years.
As the movers drove away, I felt like dancing. I was light, free as a bird and I could see my whole life in front of me, no eggshells, no tiptoeing, no hiding my emotions.
And for the most part, the post nuptial period has been smooth. No post-nuptial depression, no second guessing, not even any nostalgia for the long ago days when things were good between us.
That tells me that I made the right decision. I feel in my gut that I should have done this years ago, but stupidly, I held onto the marriage because I am a weenie. I was afraid. Afraid of being the only divorced family in our daughter’s grade. Afraid that my husband’s family would be angry. Afraid that life would be hard for my kids, and that they would end up tattooed, pregnant drug addicts by their 18 birthdays.
Fear is a trap. Fear keeps us chained and bound, and it terrifies us with its lies and sinuous castigations.
I absolutely made the right decision, but as the Shirelle’s so aptly crooned, there will be many bumps in the road, financially, logistically, and sometimes, emotionally.
However, none of those stresses compare to the anxiety of being stuck in a toxic relationship. Once we vomited out the toxicity, I regained my sense of self. I am happier than I have been in decades.
I urge women who find themselves “stuck” to make a change! Do it now before another decade of unhappiness goes by! Don’t wait for the right time. The truth is there will never be a right time. Just like labor, there will always be some pain, some tears, and maybe some vomiting. But I promise you, joy is waiting on the other side.